So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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