So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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