so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
