She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
