what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
