Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
