Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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