if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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