Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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