Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
