Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
