What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
