my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize