No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
