seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
