So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
