winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
