Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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