I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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