Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Floor bacon is actually really good
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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