i just snorted my name. best moment ever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
