you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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