hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
