We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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