The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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