Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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