I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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