I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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