Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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