I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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