I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
