Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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