I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
