I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
