Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize