Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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