ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
