You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
