In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
