her vagine was all disorganized.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
