apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
