I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
