Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
