apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
