I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
