i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
