and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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