fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
