Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My feet surprised me
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