I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
