1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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