I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
