Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
