I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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