i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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