Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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