He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
