I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
