two words: eviction party
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize