Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
