you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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