ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
