She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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