it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
