He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
