Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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