why didn't you poke me back
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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