well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
