i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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