I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
