You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
