I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So many bounce houses so little time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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