I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize