Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
