Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
