I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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