i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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