btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
