I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
