don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
