it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
