I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
